if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
