I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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