But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
