it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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