I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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