so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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