i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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