nut hugger
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
