sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You made out with two different species that night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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