I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
