Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
