I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
