but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
