it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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