So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
