I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My hand turned me down
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
