We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
