We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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