he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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