alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
