i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
