Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
