saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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