y did u give ur computer a hand job?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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