I think I died a long time ago.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
