Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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