i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
