I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
