I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
