Define "chronic" masturbator.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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