Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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