So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
