Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!