3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here