i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.