five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
