I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
