Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
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why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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