just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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