but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
