My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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