I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
