I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
