the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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