my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
