So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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