On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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