And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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