oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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