it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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