Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
