First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
