SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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