I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The air taste purple.
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