You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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