Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
