I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
