I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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