Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize