his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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