Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
