woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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