I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
