When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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