Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
this hospital has no fireball
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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