I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
