I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
