Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
worst night to have a conscience
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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