My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
