Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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