It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
