I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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