Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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