Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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