Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she smelled like a LAN party
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
