I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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