The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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