I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize