Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
